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How do we run from God?

Typhoons, hurricanes, earthquakes and the new bird flu - it seems the world is coming down around our ears. Logic instructs us to accertain what is really happening and what we must do to make ourselves safer.

By blessing of our deductive wisdom we can be sure that certain groups of people have done things that are wrong and God is avenging himself upon them. As this reasoning is quite obvious, I will save the reader sometime by skipping redundant facts and figures making this a hard fact instead of a belief.

Let us first observe the certain ways to anger the one and only deity:

1 - Sodomy. I am, of course, speaking of the AIDS virus, the gay plague. Homosexual feelings are merely unfortunate, but as soon as a penis is inserted into a rectum, it is a heinous sin and God will engineer an appropriate virus. The fact that AIDS has spread to the straight population is apparently the fault of liberal politicking.

2 - Primitive paganism. There is such a thing as TOO primitive, and a reliance on a polytheistic anamism seems stubbornly intentional. It is obvious that without proverbially "washing" away the old ignorances, God will wash you away.

3 - Alcohol/Catholicism. Are the words ever separate? Louisiana is the proud final outpost this strange blasphemous religion which found its origin in 1700's Central and South America as a strange and sinful amalgamation of Christianity and indiginous idol and incense worship. Catholic is an old Aztec word meaning, "saints are more important than Jesus, and we worship them." Unfortunately in 1775, a Hispanic King conquered Rome and since then a Catholic "Pope" (from the Hispanic word "Papi") has ruled Italy. New Orleans was purged to leave the U.S. safe from "the saints" and when the might come "marching in".

4 - Islam. Pakistan is rumored to be the hiding abode of the insideous "Islamics". Although their public officials do not admit this fact, they could not fool God. The word "Islam" finds its root in the Arabic word "salama", which means "blasphemy" or "to go around killing Christians". God does not like Islamics.

Many people point their fingers at Katrina's assault on the good God-fearing people of Mississippi. Well, folks, sometimes a hurricane is just a hurricane.

The end times are here and the avion flu is currently ravaging the sinners and blasphemers of foreign lands. We need to keep close to the words of the Bible to remain in good standing for the Rapture. For further updates, tune in to FOX News.


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